FULL OF LIES

Apropos of the George Allen campaign's War on Jim Webb's fiction, Wolf Blitzer asked Lynne Cheney about a lesbian affair in the pioneer-era potboiler she wrote in the 80s (back when pioneer lesbianism was all the rage among the spouses of the Republican apparat), and about another of her novels in which "a Republican vice president dies of a heart attack while having sex with his mistress." (hrm) Cheney responded:

"Actually, that is full of lies. It's not -- it's just -- it's absolutely not true."

Well, the Democratic press release to which Cheney was referring may have been full of lies, however, the statements regarding her novels were not lies, were in fact completely true. Interesting. It's almost as if Lynne Cheney were, herself, lying...

Given her husband's own rather, shall we say, baroque approach to matters of fact and truth, it's interesting to imagine the home life these two reflexive prevaricators must have.


INT. CHENEY'S DINING ROOM- EVENING
The Cheneys are at dinner. The sounds of people being tortured are heard in the background.

DICK
You were out late last night

LYNNE
No, I was in by 7.

DICK
I was here at 7, I went to bed at 8 and heard you come in at 11.

LYNNE
Now, that is just completely untrue.

DICK
You left the tank empty, I had to fill it up this morning.

LYNNE
Those are lies, lies and distortions. I filled the car up last night.

DICK
There was no gas in the car this morning.

LYNNE
You are full of baloney. That is just not true. Did you pick up the dry cleaning?

DICK
Yes, absolutely.

LYNNE
Where is it?

DICK
I absolutely did pick it up.

LYNNE
Okay, where is it?

DICK
I know precisely where it is.

LYNNE
Well, how come it's not here?

DICK
Sigh. You know, these types of smears and attacks are so typical.

fin

p.s.
I should say that it's strangely appropriate that Allen is choosing to do battle with Webb over fiction, given that George Allen, the tobacco chewing, cowboy boot wearing, confederate flag waving, noose collecting, pickup truck driving redneck from Southern California, is himself something of a fictional character, if a very poorly written one.

p.p.s.
In Scooter Libby's books, pre-adolescent prostitutes are made to sleep in bear cages.