SO LONG, SPANKY

It's been fun, but let's face it, you were always going to be in Ari's shadow, obscured by the wisps of smoke and fetid stench of brimstone which, even now, three years after his departure (laughing maniacally, in a stone chariot drawn by humongous demon rats with halitosis) still lingers in the press room. My friend, compared to your predecessor, you are not even the Diet Coke of evil, nay, more like the TAB of evil, or perhaps the Fresca. When one considers the duplicity, mendacity, and outright skullduggery of those with whom you worked every day, this almost equals a compliment.

As Michael Wolff notes, your "singular talent [was] to stand there and take it." I will miss that vaguely frightened look that you had, similar to the look the President gets when he speaks to an audience which hasn't been hand-picked, and even sometimes when it has. I will miss that Victorian vapored look of indignation you used to get at entirely appropriate and reasonable questions. I will not miss your over-reliance on the phrase "moving forward".

So long, and good luck, though good and faithful servant of knavery. It's time for you to be moving forward.