NOT TOO SWIFT

The Daily Howler takes down the anti-Kerry Swift Boat gang. My feeling is that this little campaign of theirs will do more to hurt than help Bush among swing voters, not only because of the obvious contemptibility of the enterprise, but also because I think any attention, good or bad, paid to John Kerry's service in Vietnam does not reflect well on Bush, who, as we know, spent the Vietnam War courageously defending Texas from Mexico.

Somehow I doubt that Bush will have any of his own "brothers in arms" join him onstage at the GOP Convention but OH! imagine the stories they could tell...

(swooning patriotic music plays)

"I remember it like it was yesterday, the spring of '71, me and George were on a covert mission, as he called it, to the Piggly Wiggly to get us a couple cases of beer. We were standing in front of the beer cooler and I started reaching for this bottle of foreign beer, just cuz it looked purdy, and George, without even thinking of his own safety, grabbed me by the shoulder and said 'I don't drink that Yuro-peein shit, grab a case of Budweiser.' I don't know who I'd be today if George hadn't been with me that night...probably some kind of fancy-boy, handcrafted-beer-drinkin' librul. Thank you, George W. Bush."

and

"We all knew we could count on George in a pinch...to turn up with the best cocaine."

and

"If it wasn't for George W. Bush, I might've never been to a donkey show..."

or something.

So, am I insulting the National Guard by making these jokes? Nay. I have much respect for National Guardsmen and women, especially these days when National Guard service is no longer a reliable way to avoid combat, as it was back when George W. Bush was avoiding combat. And the reason that National Guard service is no longer a reliable way to avoid combat is that the incompetence of the Commander in Chief has required so many of them be called up and sent to Iraq.

Smell that? That's irony.