Sunday, January 08, 2006


Tapped by the mighty Lance.

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Address the UN.

2. Jam with Edward Van Halen.

3. Become fluent in Arabic enough to tell jokes well.

4. Knee William Bennett in the testicles.

5. Tell Leonard Cohen how much his work has meant to me.

6. Carefully clean and reload a Glock 17 in front of my daughter's prom date while taking long pulls off a bottle of Wild Turkey.

7. Get into a shark cage and go in the water with great whites.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Work up an urge to climb a mountain, sky dive, bungee jump, or hike farther than it takes to find a decent drink.

2. Juggle.

3. Forgive George Lucas for Greedo shooting first.

4. Get my clothes directly from my body to the hamper.

5. Live somewhere where I can't walk to get a paper.

6. Cook without garlic.

7. Muck two pair, no matter how certain I am that I'm beat.

Seven things I say most often:

1. "Neat." As in bourbon.

2. "From the top."

3. "Fold."

4. "J'ACCUSE!!!"

5. "Sweetie, when you do that it makes daddy want to move to a new city and start a new family."

6. "Hold on, I want to try something I saw in a cartoon once."

7. "Jemand muß für dieses geschossen werden." (German: "Someone must be shot for this.")

Seven books I love:

1. De Profundis, Oscar Wilde

2. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72, Hunter S. Thompson

3. In The Land Of Israel, Amos Oz

4. The Right Stuff, Tom Wolfe

5. My Uncle Oswald, Roald Dahl

6. Many Years From Now, Paul McCartney

7. Creation, Gore Vidal

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1. Young Frankenstein

2. The Asphalt Jungle

3. Way Of The Dragon

4. Jaws

5. The Godfather

6. Miller's Crossing

7. The Truman Show

Seven Songs I Play Over and Over Again:

1. The New Pornographers "The Laws Have Changed"

2. Amon Tobin "Get Your Snack On"

3. The Raindrops "The Kind Of Boy You Can't Forget"

4. Bill Frisell "Moon River"

5. Crowded House "Don't Dream It's Over"

6. Various arias from The Barber of Seville as sung by Bugs and Elmer. "Let me cut your mop! Let me shave your crop! Daiiiiiiiin-tillllll-eeee!" (one of Lance's, enthusiastically seconded by me)

7. Van Halen "Women In Love"

Seven things that attract me to...blogging:

1. Riches

2. Power

3. Influence

4. Constant endorsement offers

5. Whining

6. The ability to write things like, for instance, "William Bennett is a simpering, self-righteous, hypocritical doofus whom Jesus himself would leap over several rows of synagogue pews to knee in the testicles" and have it go out immediately for public consumption.

7. Riches

Seven people I want to join in too:

1. Stacius.

2. Leslie.

3. Rob.

4. Erik.

5. William Bennett.

6. Raoul Vega.

7. Brian.

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