LUUUUUUCAAAAAAAAASSSS!!!

A few years ago, there was a rumor about that agents of the evil Lucas empire were going around buying up all prints and copies of the original versions of the Star Wars trilogy, because Lucas felt that his new versions represented the fulfillment of his true vision, and didn't want those of us for whom the originals have meant so much to be able to enjoy them without feeling his cold, clammy, digital claw upon our shoulders. Perhaps this rumor was not true. I'm not sure, I can't find anything about it on the web. The point is that it certainly could be true, as this sort of Stalinist airbrushing is completely in keeping with the controlling cultural despot George Lucas has become. This is, after all, the man who signed off on Greedo shooting first. You know, Evil.

After hearing that the original films would soon no longer be available anywhere in the galaxy, I hunted down the best versions of them available, and transported them in secret to be kept safe by my relative in the country, Mr. Underhill.

But, surprise. The Evil One announced the other day that he will now be releasing the original, un-digitally marred trilogy on DVD. I suspect this may be a ruse to draw the last extant copies of the old films out into the open, where they may be rounded up by his troops and disposed of. Now is the time for caution. At least I'm not one of the suckers who bought the recently released DVD versions of the digitally revamped films, as the upcoming DVDs will include those versions along with the orgininals.